How to become rich by building a suggestible zombie army.

Now this is something I haven't done in ages, rant about organized religion, or in this case, a "way of life"

Getting rich takes a lot of hard work. Perseverance, integrity, intelligence and ambition are all commonly associated attributes to being successful and fairly wealthy, well, after accounting for a bit of luck too. However there seems to be a shorter and easier way of going about it.
Breaking away from the tried and tested and now fairly ancient method of actually working to become rich, the new method seems to involve "creating a new religion" or even in fact to include our Hindu brethren, a "way of living", yoga, ashrams and all the nonsense in the name of spiritual enlightenment.

The concept is simple.

We have to begin with a catch. WHY would anyone in their right minds give you their money? Simply telling them to will work, but that is only after we lay the ground work. The baby steps will necessitate some kind of catch which follows the classic "if you don't listen to me, baaaddd things will happen" plot.
Most models set up on this principle succeed right from the go and it's easy to see why. Let’s look at some of them that have done extremely well along with what they attempt to save you from.
Christians: Hell
Muslims: Hell
Judaism: Hell
Buddhism: Hell
Folk Religions: A mixture of hell and also real time punishments for evil acts.
Hinduism: Yourself, hell, karma, your evil next door neighbor, heck these people can even go after a dog that looks at you funnily on the street. More on this later.

Do you see a trend? I certainly do. Most if not all the old world religions thrive on the concept that if you make a man feel like he's doomed and you're his only way out, you've pretty much got him by the moneybags. Not to be outclassed, the new religions have included this as an essential part of their religion. Just a basic read of the principles and beliefs of Mormons, Scientology and all of the new age ones should easily confirm this.

Now that we have our catch in place, now that people know what exactly you're selling to them, you're off, time to find some followers.
Now rest assured, finding the first few is the tough part, but once you've crossed that one thousand mark, you'll be unstoppable. Know why? Cause people are idiots! That's why! Ever heard of herd mentality? Read it up! It’s a fascinating concept, especially in the hands of people who've realized the true power of it. People will do what they see people around them do, all they need is one really good testimonial, what did you think Islam and Christianity is based on?
Now lets be honest, if Christians believe they can actually and literally TALK with Christ and Muslims the same about their beliefs and lets assume we're all actually talking with our respective idols and deities, what a messed up world this must be and what a bigger mess heaven must be in.

Now we've got our followers, a stable system has to be effected in order to get that moolah flowing. So lets begin the construction of our first place of worship. How else will we siphon off funds! Also time to hire the best composers (from within our followers of course) to compose some music that subconsciously breaks down the mind enough to put them in a suggestible state to sink even deeper into your trap. NOTE: this music along with being a highly effective hypnotic chant HAS to also appeal to a wide demographic AND be aesthetically pleasing. A tough job, I'm sure, but once done just watch those followers multiply. Why does music play such an elemental role? Simple psychology, it's already shown how certain restaurants play certain kinds of music that can do everything from make you order expensive wine, to give your usually discerning self a backseat and drown a pitch or 3 of beer.

You're almost done. Now its time to sit back, enjoy the foot massages and the pampering that I'm sure the younger kids at your ashram find almost therapeutic and fun to do. That's because almost your entire audience right now is made up of subservient unthinking idiots not worthy of a million years of evolution. But hey, I'm sure you can try fun stuff like telling the kinds massaging your feet that they're going to hell if they don't do a good job. I mean you ARE the almighty's messenger and all that. People won't mind you openly dipping into the religion's "funds' too and even if you get caught, they're too invested now to even for a moment think that you could be a fraud. Heck, now that you're kind of rich, I'd even suggesting dumping the idiots you're with. Assign a higher level idiot to manage the lower ones, give him a nice fancy title and you're free to roam the world! It's the perfect vacation. Talk to idiots who'll buy everything you say for three hours and go sight-seeing for three days. Who really cares about the people back home, they weren't mean for greatness, and you were!

Now, and lets be really candid about this, there'll come a time where you're human urges will start acting up. You know that one urge you've been suppressing? Here's the good news, you don't have to anymore! Now your religion will cater to your every whim. I personally recommend staying far away from young boys as they do tend to squeal to their parents like I’m sure some very surprised priests found out. Also you may want to ensure you're completely brainwashed them before exposing your dirty parts to them. Sometimes they might not fully be convinced and you'll find yourself in a world of trouble like Swami Muktananda did. Or in the case of another religion, you should possible try to marry as many women as you can. You can easily pass it off as doing justice to the downtrodden women and attempting to give them a normal secure life.

That should do it. Your own Zombie army that feeds you, massages you, gives you money, heck even bends over backwards, forwards and every which way at just a nod of your head. Easy? Hell yes! If it wasn't, would there exist 22 "Major" religions in the world today?



Tomorrow: How to survive faking your own death, Traveling the world in disguise, How to convince your followers into an orgy.